Driving Down Life

Photo taken from tumblr. 

So it rained yesterday. And when it rains in Arizona, all of us Arizonan drivers just don't know what to do and freak out. We love the rain, but when it comes to driving in it, our streets just fill up so quickly with water because they weren't built with proper drainage and people are so used to dry weather, that they tend to drive SUPER slow in the rain.

Anyways, I was running errands on this rainy afternoon and was driving up to an intersection. As I was driving, I realized that I couldn't see the lane lines because the rain water was covering up the already faded white and yellow lines. I wanted to turn left at this intersection, but I couldn't figure out where the turning lane was. So I just judged where the lane might be based on what the car was doing in front of me. I swerved to the left, and he swerved to the right to get in the right lane, and then we stopped at the red light. Simple enough, right?

I then began looking around, wondering if I was in the correct lane. There were no cars in front of me, or directly to the side, so it was hard to tell. But that's when I got a hint of the double yellow line and it was a full lane over. I cringed on the inside. "NO!! I missed the turning lane! Ugh.... What do I do?" And I soon began to evaluate on whether I should back up a bit and get over in the next lane or go straight and make a U-turn, or just be silly and not move. I looked ahead, and I couldn't tell where the lanes were on the other side either.

As I was ransacking my brain for the next driving maneuver, I didn't realize that other cars had reached the intersection and were filing into lanes. Suddenly, there were 4 cars directly behind me all with their turning signals on like myself. I thought, "Ugh... why are they following me? I'm totally in the wrong lane. Sure, I got here first, but I don't know what I'm doing." But then I soon realized that I must not be the only person who couldn't see the lane lines. No one could see them in fact, and we were all driving sort of blindly. I just happened to be the first car, so everyone figured that I must be in the right lane or didn't even think about it.

Turns out, I soon remembered this was a double turning lane. I've driven the road plenty of times, but had forgotten there were two turning lanes instead of one. It still made me laugh though because no one got in the other lane because no one could really see the other lane.

I shared this story with a friend as we talked about personal things and soon realized it was a great metaphor for life. We all try to stay in the correct lane, following along what everyone else is doing. You go to elementary school, go to high school, and then go to college. And then... wait... there's no more road lines to direct you anymore. Suddenly, you're opened up to a highway of lanes, but told you can also take the frontage road, side roads, or the weird dirt road or go by boat or plane. But really, there's just no more lines to guide you.

And then funny thing is, we are always looking at everyone else and trying to see where they are going. We assume that they must be in the correct lane and know what they are doing. We think "I must do what that person is doing because he/she must be right and I must be wrong since I have no idea what I'm doing." But the thing is.....

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING!

I've told people lately that I keep doubting the road I started and how I must come across as this person who just barely gets by. But a friend once said, "We always come across differently to others than we do to ourselves." I knew this, but I really needed the reminder, especially in this situation. Then both this person and others said, "Hannah, from outside looking in, it appears you have it together. You got a job that has to do with your degree, your finances are in order, you have a place to stay. A lot of people probably think you have it together more than most." I just laughed and said,"Oh, if they only knew how often I question and doubt myself." But I think many of us doubt ourselves and are questioning ourselves quite a bit.

So, I'm doing my best to not doubt and question myself so much. There's no "correct path" to really go on. The important part is to just keep going. And to also remember that I probably come across as way more put together and on the right path to everyone else. In fact, many people may even follow me, thinking that I must know what I'm doing. haha.

That's what everyone else in the turning lane did. I made a left turn and everyone followed.

But there's till really no "correct path". I'm on my path, and you are on yours. I just hope we get to hang out along the way and maybe drive together at some point. :)