As some of you know, I've been gobbling up Patrick Rothfuss's novels like a starving abandoned child that rapidly consumes food on sight. Not only is the story interesting and I like the main character, but the writing is enjoyable and rhythmic. It's an adventure story that involves wit, music, magic, and poetry; and like any excellent story, it hints at great truths of life that makes you stop and ponder how it pertains to your own life. Anyways, I came across this piece, and I had to read it a few times as I sat and absorbed it's meaning and what it meant for myself:
"You see, there's a fundamental connection between seeming and being. Every Fae child knows this, but you mortals never seem to see. We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be."
C relaxed a bit, sensing a familiar ground. "That's basic psychology. You dress a beggar in fine clothes, people treat him like a noble, and he lives up to their expectations."
"That's only the smallest piece of it," B said. "The truth is deeper than that. It's..." B floundered for a moment. "It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story."
Frowning, C opened his mouth, but B held up a hand to stop him. "No, listen. I've got it now. You meet a girl: shy, unassuming. If you tell her she's beautiful, she'll think you're sweet, but she won't believe you. She knows that beauty lies in your beholding." B gave a grudging shrug. "And sometimes that's enough."
His eyes brightened. "But here's a better way. You show her she is beautiful. You make mirrors of your eyes, prayers of your hands against her body. It is hard, very hard, but when she truly believes you..." B gestured excitedly. "Suddenly the story she tells herself in her own head changes. She transforms. She isn't seen as beautiful. She is beautiful, seen."
Name of the Wind, p. 716
(I left out the names just in case any of you choose to read it and I don't want to give away the characters and such.)
As I thought on this, I remembered a few friends that I feel particularly beautiful around. Often, when I'm with them, if I've worn something cute or done something with my hair, their smile is even bigger and they exclaim, "Hannah! You are so beautiful!" At first, I used to shyly respond, "Uh... thank you", not sure how to take the compliment and wondering if it was even true. But lately, I felt the difference in myself. My smile just grows bigger, saying, "Aw.. thank you! I know! And so are you!" There's no hint of pride or ego. Just a calm confidence that knows it to be true.
Growing up, I never cared to put any effort into my looks. There were more important things to do in my eyes: read books, play a sport, get better at math, be nicer to people, gain another skill, and the list goes on. Wearing make-up and putting on cute clothes seemed more like a nuisance than anything.
But as a girl grows older, even the most tomboyish girl begins to desire to be "beautiful". I can't speak for everyone, but I saw it happen within myself. I saw an excitement in the times I got to dress up. I wouldn't want to do it every day. Yet, when those certain occasions arrived, that required a dress and done up hair, it was exciting.
"I get to be beautiful" is the thrilling thought.
So, I've been blessed to have friends who really encouraged me to show my beauty, it small and big ways. They volunteered to go shopping with me, pointing at different things I could wear. They let me borrow clothes, did my hair, lent me make-up, and always encouraged me to not hide away, but shine. Their response wasn't, "Oh, you're dressed nicely. That's weird," or a "Hm.... you did your hair. OK," as some people do respond, making you feel awkward and like you never want to do it again. But they were usually so excited and encouraging. I found that when I was going to hang out with them, I aimed to put a bit more effort in to look nice, and walked out, truly believing I was beautiful.
And I can even see that in my photography as I've grown in the field; the goal isn't to work with beautiful people, but to show everyone how beautiful they truly are. :) To make them tell a different story in their head and have them think, "Wow! I really am beautiful!"
And perhaps we should do that, not just in beauty with women, but in all things with all people. Encourage them and show them their abilities, their beauty, their worth. And then, maybe then, they will start telling different stories in their own head, realizing what they truly are: a beautiful and valuable person.
