A video that has seems to have a silly idea, but it ends up having a great message. :)
http://vimeo.com/7110050
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
I Gave Up Everything; Even My Garbage
Lately, if someone were to ask me how I was doing, like REALLY DOING, I didn't have a good thing to say. I mean, on the outer spectrum of things, my life was really good. I had a place to stay, enough to eat, and no one super close to me had died or anything. But on the inside, I felt so unsatisfied and restless with everything.
I just felt like I had so many negative feelings inside of me, with worries and thoughts that constantly plagued me in every aspect of my life: from school and my job, to friends, and family. I was doubting whether I was doing well at my job, trying to figure out what I will do after the looming graduation date in May, attempting to make plans for my small group and other ministry activities, and my friends and family were all going through various things and my relationships with many people were changing. Peace just never seemed to enter into my soul and I couldn't figure out how to at least feel somewhat pleasant again.
It was over the weekend that God whacked me again with something I feel like He's been trying to teach me over and over again: His grace and mercy. I need to learn how to accept and live in His grace. I can see now that I was so busy on trying to fix myself and turn myself into this crazy perfect person. I wanted to fix all my anxiety, doubts, and worries, but also my lack of talent, knowledge, jokes, social skills, etc. in school, work, and friends. God was finally, "Don't you get it!! You can't fix those things by yourself! And besides! THAT'S NOT THE POINT!! I DON'T LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE PERFECT!! I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU!!"
So I finally just pictured myself face to face with Jesus and lifted up a bag of garbage to him and said, "Take it. It's not mine anymore. It's yours." And he just smiled and said, "I will gladly take it". He took my anxiety and my lack of talent and knowledge; he took my doubts and worries; he took my loss of temper and my lack of patience; he took my lustful thoughts and selfish acts; he took all my garbage and put it behind him. It was this weird sense of letting go that I didn't think I would have had with all my negative aspects about myself. Part of me had wanted to hang onto them, to be in some kind of control of myself, so I could tell myself that I could make myself better. I also didn't want to present God with such dirt. I mean, really, who would want that? But God not only took it, but he wanted to take it. And while I knew the negative aspects of myself were still there within me, a strange peace accompanied them. Suddenly, it wasn't my sole responsibility to fix myself. It was God's job. I had to give up all my negative feelings and characteristics and hand them over to Him to be in charge.
It was there that I see God saying, "I don't expect you to be perfect. In fact, I know you won't be perfect. But where you are weak, I am strong and my power is made perfect in weakness". (2 Corinthians 12:10). I came across this tree over the weekend and felt like God said, "This is you", and at first, I hated that idea. The tree was falling over and was about to fall. I wanted to be the tall, strong, standing up-right tree behind it. But God said, "It's roots are strong and are holding it firm. It's almost parallel to the ground, but it still has its roots firmly in place. You are like this tree. You will waver over and over again, but I will be there, holding you up, even when it seems like you should have fallen already." Again, it's not my job to be perfect and I really don't trust myself in anything that I do. But God says that is OK and that he will be there to make up for my mistakes. In fact, he was already there when his son Jesus died on the cross for every mistake I have ever made, are making, and will make. This isn't saying that I can do whatever I want, but there are even aspects within myself that I can not change and must hand over to God and He will take care of it. God loves me for me and wants to help me. I just need to give control over myself to Him and say "You're in charge of who I will become. It's all you. The good and the bad belong to you." And Jesus just replied "Thank you. I love you."
I just felt like I had so many negative feelings inside of me, with worries and thoughts that constantly plagued me in every aspect of my life: from school and my job, to friends, and family. I was doubting whether I was doing well at my job, trying to figure out what I will do after the looming graduation date in May, attempting to make plans for my small group and other ministry activities, and my friends and family were all going through various things and my relationships with many people were changing. Peace just never seemed to enter into my soul and I couldn't figure out how to at least feel somewhat pleasant again.
It was over the weekend that God whacked me again with something I feel like He's been trying to teach me over and over again: His grace and mercy. I need to learn how to accept and live in His grace. I can see now that I was so busy on trying to fix myself and turn myself into this crazy perfect person. I wanted to fix all my anxiety, doubts, and worries, but also my lack of talent, knowledge, jokes, social skills, etc. in school, work, and friends. God was finally, "Don't you get it!! You can't fix those things by yourself! And besides! THAT'S NOT THE POINT!! I DON'T LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE PERFECT!! I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU!!"
So I finally just pictured myself face to face with Jesus and lifted up a bag of garbage to him and said, "Take it. It's not mine anymore. It's yours." And he just smiled and said, "I will gladly take it". He took my anxiety and my lack of talent and knowledge; he took my doubts and worries; he took my loss of temper and my lack of patience; he took my lustful thoughts and selfish acts; he took all my garbage and put it behind him. It was this weird sense of letting go that I didn't think I would have had with all my negative aspects about myself. Part of me had wanted to hang onto them, to be in some kind of control of myself, so I could tell myself that I could make myself better. I also didn't want to present God with such dirt. I mean, really, who would want that? But God not only took it, but he wanted to take it. And while I knew the negative aspects of myself were still there within me, a strange peace accompanied them. Suddenly, it wasn't my sole responsibility to fix myself. It was God's job. I had to give up all my negative feelings and characteristics and hand them over to Him to be in charge.
It was there that I see God saying, "I don't expect you to be perfect. In fact, I know you won't be perfect. But where you are weak, I am strong and my power is made perfect in weakness". (2 Corinthians 12:10). I came across this tree over the weekend and felt like God said, "This is you", and at first, I hated that idea. The tree was falling over and was about to fall. I wanted to be the tall, strong, standing up-right tree behind it. But God said, "It's roots are strong and are holding it firm. It's almost parallel to the ground, but it still has its roots firmly in place. You are like this tree. You will waver over and over again, but I will be there, holding you up, even when it seems like you should have fallen already." Again, it's not my job to be perfect and I really don't trust myself in anything that I do. But God says that is OK and that he will be there to make up for my mistakes. In fact, he was already there when his son Jesus died on the cross for every mistake I have ever made, are making, and will make. This isn't saying that I can do whatever I want, but there are even aspects within myself that I can not change and must hand over to God and He will take care of it. God loves me for me and wants to help me. I just need to give control over myself to Him and say "You're in charge of who I will become. It's all you. The good and the bad belong to you." And Jesus just replied "Thank you. I love you."
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