Art Grabs Attention

I enjoy reading the Yahoo news. There's always one or two interesting articles to read and it helps me stay updated on all these things that go on the world for the most part. On this particular day, there seemed to be a lot of articles about how art was grabbing people's attention and causing a stir for various articles. Good art tends to get people's attention and cause some chatter. Granted, I do think there are some pieces that go overboard and it becomes more of a pure attention grabber instead of a something that causes people to discuss and talk.

These are the two articles I came across: This one is talking about "Who Deserves to Die" and has been posted over major cities like Chicago and Seattle. It's pissing people off quite a bit, but when you look at the website, you see that the whole cause is actually quite different than you original thought. And props to the designer on the posters and website. I like them (in a very designer/artistic sense).  So I'm quite interested to see who the "murder/killer" is in this entire campaign, which will supposedly be revealed tonight! 

This article is about military wives raising awareness about PTSD. My heart goes out to these women and their husbands and families as having a loved one in the military is really hard. And then, to have the person come back and suffer with PTSD must just be really hard to deal with. I could probably artistically analyze the photographs and what not, but I'll just let you look at them yourself and you can decide what you think. 

Silly Sketches

So... it's been a while, but I decided to take a pencil and paper and doodle a bit. I just thought, "I should try and draw myself". And then.... I thought, "I should draw a weird creature". And this is what came from it.

It feels good to take up a pencil though and just sketch. It's fun. Perhaps I should do it more often. I miss good old hand drawing (even if I come up with really weird things. haha).

Come Back Home

As many of my friends are away or have moved, I think about them often. Being the one that stays behind can be a bit tougher (I think) than the one who moves away. They are starting new adventures, a new part of their lives, while I have to adjust my current life and fill holes that they once occupied in my day to day life. But as I think about them, I know they'll always have a place in my heart, no matter where they go. So this song is dedicated to them, where ever they go and no matter how much time has past, they can always come back home. :) Love you guys!

Video Sat: Home is where the Hans Are

So a friend of mine showed me this quick mini youtube series and I really enjoyed it. Shame it was only 4 episodes, but it was still fun. The media group that makes these videos has done a lot of series and I'm currently watching another one of theirs now. I'll share that perhaps when they're done with it. :) So enjoy this one! It's a twist of humor, culture, and awkwardness.

Happy Birthday David

So...... I'm a bad friend and can be rather bad at forgetting people's birthdays. I used to be much better when I was younger, but for some reason, as I've gotten older, many of these important dates slip my mind. It's also sorta of hypocritical because I always seem to make it a point for people to remember my birthday. I even quiz them on it often.

Anyways, it was my friend's, David, birthday a month or two ago (I'm super late!!). So I had some time at work and remembered I had wanted to make this card. It's of his cat Tesla with my apology. I'm trying to get better at digital illustration too. (woo hoo?) And I know David reads my blog often, so I decided to make this for him. Sorry I'm so late!!!!!

Perfection & Conviction

I'm a perfectionist. I've known this since I was young, but the past year or so, I've begun to see how being a perfectionist can make life very hard to enjoy and make things difficult for myself.

You see, being a perfectionist often comes with being very hard on yourself. For me, even when I screw up the tiniest bit, I'm secretly yelling at myself in my head and making sure I don't repeat the same mistake again. This is one reason why I have a hard time taking criticism from others. Someone will criticize me and all I think is, "Don't you think I already know that? I've been beating myself up for the past hour for that. I don't need YOU to tell me how horrible I am as well." When you're already beating yourself up, the last thing you want is someone to join in on the fight, even if their intentions are good. 

I'm a perfectionist in pretty much all walks of life, from grades, to friendships, to God. I put a lot of pressure on myself to make sure everyone is happy and that things are running smoothly. If I somehow mess up, then I have just utterly failed and should be ashamed. I then become a terrible person. Or sometimes, I was just trying to be perfect to hide the terrible person I believe I am.

This.... is a bunch of bull. 

I was talking to a dear friend about my struggles and she could relate. She said to me, "I often have to pray 'God, teach me to love myself'. It's hard, but important to learn."

Wow. 

I've prayed "God, help me to love this person. God, help me to love this cause. God... help me to care about everything else..." but... myself. 

You see, I ask for God's love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy all the time. But I rarely accept it because I won't love or forgive myself. I put my own standards above God and make myself God because I refuse to accept his love and mercy. 

In the Bible, it does say "Love our neighbor as yourself". Well, if you don't love yourself, you won't love your neighbor very well either. 

What does it mean to love yourself anyways? I think it depends on the person.

For me, it means I have to understand that I won't ever be the perfect employee, the perfection friend, the perfect wife, or have a perfect marriage. I don't and won't have a perfect family. I won't have the perfect answer or the perfect question. I won't have perfect timing. I won't have perfect control. I don't have the perfect body or perfect face. I won't create the perfect art piece. I can't be the perfect Christian. 

It also means I have to tell myself how beautiful I am. I have to take care of myself. I have to learn to tell people how I feel and what I want. And I also have to cut myself slack and forgive myself. 

It means that I will fail people. I will disappoint others. I will make my loved ones mad. I will bother people. I will come across as clingy and disorganized. Or sometimes too distant and organized. I will say the wrong things and fall on my face. 

But that just means I have to forgive myself and learn to accept forgiveness and love from others. Only then, can I truly learn to love others and forgive them as well. I'm not trying to put myself above others, only equal. Learning to respect myself, so I can respect others well and know what it is like to treat another human being well. 

So I'm going to work on being perfectly imperfect. :) I will learn to love my imperfect self, just like the way God does. That way, I can hopefully cultivate that love and pour it out to others as well. 

When did you fall in love?

I've been listening to my iPod on shuffle to shake my music up a bit and trying to see what songs I love but have forgotten amongst the thousands of songs I have. This song came on "When Did You Fall?" by Chris Rice. I really like this song: it's relaxing, cute, and just fun. It also fits a conversation I had the other night with a friend. She and I joked about how things tend to happen so unexpectedly, especially love, and before you know, you're asking yourself, "Um... wait, when did this happen to me?". This song seems to fit that conversation. Well, I hope you enjoy! :)

Driving Down Life

Photo taken from tumblr. 

So it rained yesterday. And when it rains in Arizona, all of us Arizonan drivers just don't know what to do and freak out. We love the rain, but when it comes to driving in it, our streets just fill up so quickly with water because they weren't built with proper drainage and people are so used to dry weather, that they tend to drive SUPER slow in the rain.

Anyways, I was running errands on this rainy afternoon and was driving up to an intersection. As I was driving, I realized that I couldn't see the lane lines because the rain water was covering up the already faded white and yellow lines. I wanted to turn left at this intersection, but I couldn't figure out where the turning lane was. So I just judged where the lane might be based on what the car was doing in front of me. I swerved to the left, and he swerved to the right to get in the right lane, and then we stopped at the red light. Simple enough, right?

I then began looking around, wondering if I was in the correct lane. There were no cars in front of me, or directly to the side, so it was hard to tell. But that's when I got a hint of the double yellow line and it was a full lane over. I cringed on the inside. "NO!! I missed the turning lane! Ugh.... What do I do?" And I soon began to evaluate on whether I should back up a bit and get over in the next lane or go straight and make a U-turn, or just be silly and not move. I looked ahead, and I couldn't tell where the lanes were on the other side either.

As I was ransacking my brain for the next driving maneuver, I didn't realize that other cars had reached the intersection and were filing into lanes. Suddenly, there were 4 cars directly behind me all with their turning signals on like myself. I thought, "Ugh... why are they following me? I'm totally in the wrong lane. Sure, I got here first, but I don't know what I'm doing." But then I soon realized that I must not be the only person who couldn't see the lane lines. No one could see them in fact, and we were all driving sort of blindly. I just happened to be the first car, so everyone figured that I must be in the right lane or didn't even think about it.

Turns out, I soon remembered this was a double turning lane. I've driven the road plenty of times, but had forgotten there were two turning lanes instead of one. It still made me laugh though because no one got in the other lane because no one could really see the other lane.

I shared this story with a friend as we talked about personal things and soon realized it was a great metaphor for life. We all try to stay in the correct lane, following along what everyone else is doing. You go to elementary school, go to high school, and then go to college. And then... wait... there's no more road lines to direct you anymore. Suddenly, you're opened up to a highway of lanes, but told you can also take the frontage road, side roads, or the weird dirt road or go by boat or plane. But really, there's just no more lines to guide you.

And then funny thing is, we are always looking at everyone else and trying to see where they are going. We assume that they must be in the correct lane and know what they are doing. We think "I must do what that person is doing because he/she must be right and I must be wrong since I have no idea what I'm doing." But the thing is.....

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING!

I've told people lately that I keep doubting the road I started and how I must come across as this person who just barely gets by. But a friend once said, "We always come across differently to others than we do to ourselves." I knew this, but I really needed the reminder, especially in this situation. Then both this person and others said, "Hannah, from outside looking in, it appears you have it together. You got a job that has to do with your degree, your finances are in order, you have a place to stay. A lot of people probably think you have it together more than most." I just laughed and said,"Oh, if they only knew how often I question and doubt myself." But I think many of us doubt ourselves and are questioning ourselves quite a bit.

So, I'm doing my best to not doubt and question myself so much. There's no "correct path" to really go on. The important part is to just keep going. And to also remember that I probably come across as way more put together and on the right path to everyone else. In fact, many people may even follow me, thinking that I must know what I'm doing. haha.

That's what everyone else in the turning lane did. I made a left turn and everyone followed.

But there's till really no "correct path". I'm on my path, and you are on yours. I just hope we get to hang out along the way and maybe drive together at some point. :)

Flaws Connected to Gifts and Creativity is Alive

So I was talking to someone about how I personalize things a lot. By personalizing, I mean, that I'll take someone's actions, whether they are directly interacting with me or not, and think that it somehow displays how they feel about me, and it's usually in a negative way. It's quite a horrible habit and I'm trying to stop it.

Anyways, I was telling someone about this, and she just laughed and said, "Wow Hannah. You ARE super creative. You begin to create these long elaborate stories and just go with it." I just laughed back and said, "Yeah, I love stories, and I tend to just do this all the time in my head." And then the conversation continued as we talked about personalization and such.

Then it hit me later: this person was able to take something that can essentially be seen as a HUGE flaw, and saw the good point in it: creativity. She saw that while it wasn't good for me to create all these assumptions in how I must be bothering people and such, she also saw that in it, laid a gift. Granted, I was using the gift to create horrid assumptions and play out fears, but it was still a gift.

So it made me wonder on how many of our "flaws" are intricately connected to our gifts or hint at our gifts in someway. One basic thing is that I'm a disorganized person for the most part. I've learned organization and it's helped me to handle mass amounts of information and other things, but it doesn't come to me naturally. However, I realized that this lack of organization also points to how I never really put things in categories, physically and mentally. I see a car hubcap and I don't think, "It is an automotive part that belongs on a car wheel," I think, "That could be on a car wheel, or a dinner plate, or a clock, or a frisbee, or a sweet decoration on my wall." I see something and don't put it in a category, but automatically begin thinking about all the other categories I could fit it into. This is why organization can give me a literal headache at times. I'm so used to thinking outside the box, that it's a struggle for me to figure out what box to put things into.

This comment also hit home because I do struggle with what it means to be creative and wonder if I'm creative or original or not. Being creative and original can be very hard in today's society. So much information gets passed out there and around, that it's hard to not just want to copy others. And even if we don't originally copy someone, many times, we find out that someone else did the exact same thing we did.

But as I've entered more into the art world, I see that many artists do look at other art for inspiration. We copy each other all the time. But what ends up happening is that an artist looks for art for inspiration or for a technique, takes it, and then adds his or her own twist to it. Or takes parts from other artists and creates a whole new thing. This is still being creative. You're breaking down other original ideas, and creating something new with them. Creativity isn't dead. It is being reborn each and everyday.

So summary:
-Whatever "flaws" you think you may, also point to gifts that you really do have; Start figuring those out and try using those gifts for good too.
-Being creative doesn't mean you have to 100% original; just create something that wasn't there before. Learn skills and techniques, and then BAM, let your creativity soar. Have fun!

Music

Need some new music? A friend showed me this sweet song. Makes me want to watch the new Snow White & the Huntsmen movie too. :) Enjoy!

Creativity & God

In case you didn't know already, I'm a graphic designer and considered a decently creative person. I see something, and I automatically think about 3 other things you could do with it. I collect hubcaps I find on the street and paint them. I drive by dumpsters, wondering what secret treasures I can find. I'll take photographs of all sorts of things, hoping to hit the right lighting and angle. I'm always searching for new, crazy out-of-the-box ideas in hopes of creating something, anything really. I just love creating things.

Yet, I feel like more often than not, when it comes to my creative-type of personality that relies on an inner artistic intuition and moments of inspiration, that it collides with my faith as a Christian. When I think of "church", I suddenly get this sense to loosen the tie around my neck when I have never worn a tie in my life. I guess what I'm saying is, when I usually think of "church", I think of rules and a set of ideas that I must adhere to..... OR ELSE. 

Rules generally don't make me that uncomfortable. But there's a certain type of rules or something, that makes me go queezy. I remember when everyone was into Myers Briggs, and someone said, "Oh Hannah! What's your Myers Briggs?" I had become so irritated with all the nonsense at the time that I replied, "AH! Why are we relying on Myers Briggs? Don't put people in a box. Four letters cannot sum me up as a person." The person just laughed and said, "Oh Hannah. The funny thing is, that's part of your Myers Briggs." I threw my hands up in the air and replied,

"AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I then step into the Christian world. Church is on Sunday at the same time. Bible Study is at the same time. For certain Bible Studies, people have a certain way of doing things, where you read the passage, and discuss certain things first, and then certain things afterwards. The discussion must go according to the plan. And not to be mean to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, but sometimes you get the same typical Sunday school answers. The ones where, "Well, I haven't read my Bible, so I haven't grown a lot spiritually this week." or "I forgot to pray the past few days and I really need to get better at that." These kind of answers drive me insane and make me want to throw dish ware at the walls. Not only are these answers more often shallow and lack depth, but I keep thinking, "Ya know, you can experience God in other things. Daily life is an experience with God." Spice things up people! 

You see, for me, God shows up in so many ways, I'm always surprised. He keeps saying, "You don't think I'm here? Oh, but I am!" I've gone to events or places and thought, "Surely, I won't be able to find God's presence here." But sure enough, I see His truth and presence planted right in front of me. I've gone to bars and had deep and honest spiritual talks that have more depth than the ones I would experience at Bible Study. I go to secular events or ceremonies, and someone will say something and my ears will perk at something that was said or done, and I'm like, "Whoa! There's Jesus!" 

My daily struggles as a human being, at work and home, with family and friends, show me God's beauty and grace everyday. I look at my brother and sister, and admire their beauty as they continue to grow into adults. I look at myself, and see my own womanly beauty and the changes that have happened to me as I've grown. I talk with nonreligious co-workers, and I'll feel convicted to love others better, hearing God's reminder to love his people. And as I sit and create artwork, I'm reminded of the one and true creator that is the source of all artistic expression. I believe it was Michael Jackson who said this about song writing, 

"You hear the words, everything is right there in front of your face. And you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry, I just didn't write this. It's there already.' That's why I hate to take credit for the songs I've written. I feel that somewhere, someplace, it's been done and I'm just a courier bringing it into the world. I really believe that."

That's how it is when I create art. An image will show up in my head and I'm using all my skills and know-how to make it come to life. It's not like you really created it, but caught a glimpse of glory that you must use earthly tools to bring to life. It was there, already, and you get the chance to take part in creating it.

So sometimes, while I feel like creativity and Christianity don't go hand-in-hand and feel this pressure to live life in a certain way or distinction, I stop and remind myself about who is the most creative one: God. The one who comes up with the most unique and original ways to do things is God. God is constantly surprising me and keeping me on my toes. God always reminds me to not put him in a box. He isn't just in church, he isn't just in prayer, he isn't just in the Word (but these are awesome and real sources to experience God), but he's everywhere, from the beggar I pass on the street to my dog at home, from the view from my window to the view from the top of the mountain: God is everywhere.

It's funny too because anytime I feel like I should try and love someone and bring "God's presence into their life", I'm usually whacked right back with God's presence already there in front of me, brought to me by the very person I thought I should help. I barely feel like I help anyone, because I'm usually met with God's presence and his love flowing through the other person right back. In the end, I'm the one that is being helped.

So of course creativity and God go hand in hand. God's super creative! I just have to remind myself to keep being creative in my walk with God. I don't want to be satisfied with the same routine, but constantly taking our relationship outside the box and letting God 'WOW' me all over again.

Let's Go Matt, Let's Go!

So, I came across this article here on Yahoo, and watch the video below. From the very beginning, I just wanted to cry. Then as the video went on, I totally did cry. What happens below is a touching and beautiful example of kindness and overcoming obstacles. You can't help but be touched as you watch these events unfold. So here's to Matt and his amazing feat and encouraging classmates. A beautiful story indeed. :)

Proposals

It just seems to be that time of the year where everyone is proposing and getting engaged. I came across this video and it's definitely a favorite. It's spread like wild fire across the web, but if you haven't seen this awesome proposal, you're in for a treat. :)

Missing Friends

So I'm having one of those moments where I miss my friends quite a bit. Missing someone is such a strange feeling really. It feels so bitter sweet. You are filled with such love for the person, but at the same time, there's an ache in your heart that just yearns to have them back close to you.

Many of my friends have left for the time being. Some are coming back eventually, others are not. For all of them, I can confidently say that I will probably see them again. It's just an odd time because not only is it summer and many are going on trips or summer jobs/internships, but I've also graduated college and many of my friends are now moving to different cities for jobs, grad school or med school.

With this knowledge of moving and departure, many of these dear friends and I made it a priority to spend time with each other during their last few days, whether that was getting an excellent dinner and talking for a long while, or watching a movie together and staying up late. Yet, sometimes it feels so counter-intuitive once they leave because you're then thinking, "I feel like I miss you even more now."

Hm..... these are just my feelings and musings about missing someone. It's interesting because I was sitting alone in my apartment, reading and doing things, and the emotion hit me. After a while, I finally decided to get up and visit a friend who I knew was home. The second I walked out my door, I saw other friends and neighbors who were just arriving home. We all began talking and laughing together, sharing stories and experiences, and saying how we needed to hang out and spend time with one another. And so, while I missed many dear friends, it felt good to know I still had people nearby who I could be with and feel close to.

As I get older, I continuously see how important it is to feel close to people. I love having people around.Sure,  I like my alone time and need it, but I also really love having people around. I love people. And many times, I just like to bring my computer over to someone's house, talk about our days, and go about our usual activities, whether that's playing an online game, reading or blogging. Being physically close to another human being is so valuable and I think something we search for constantly. I'm a quality time person, so I will always value having good, deep conversations and focused time, but I've also grown to love the time when I can just sit next to a person, or hug someone deeply, and feel their warmth.

And I think that if we aim to have close friends, ones where we are comfortable hugging one another, having deep conversations, and just sometimes being around one another, then we'd feel less of a need to always being dating someone or going to other remedies to fix our loneliness. The times where I feel the most fulfilled and less of that need for a boyfriend, are the times where I am surrounded my great friends, both men and women, who spend time with me and help support me.

So I guess the bottom line is, I miss my really awesome friends.. But at the same time, I'm happy many of them are following their dreams, and I even feel encouraged watching them. So while there's an ache in my heart as I miss their presence, I am also hopeful and fulfilled by watching them pursue their dreams and feeling encouraged by them from afar.

Engagement

So, I don't have anything written. But this is more for anyone who wants to know what I had been up to the past few weeks: I was helping plan a proposal for one of my best friends. :D We surprised her quite well. Go to her blog here to read her side of the story and see some of the pictures I took and that she took as well. Enjoy!