As senior year of college has rolled around, I've come to realized many things. The whole year of 2011 in fact was a roller coaster of many lessons and emotions that I can't even begin to describe it adequately without at least 100 pages to account for all the things I went through, processed, and discovered. It almost seems like since the day I left for college and stepped into Tucson, life has smacked me down and pushed me over and kicked me. So many times I cried for "uncle"; and other times, I got the lesson down and was able to block an attack or counter it back. And there were times where life and I weren't sparring with each other at all, but doing a beautiful dance that accentuated ourselves and own charm.
When I was younger, I used to think, "You know, I can pretty much take on anything. Things will be OK. I just have to go with the flow." But naturally, as events unfolded and things DID happen, I found myself on my knees, thinking, 'OK. OK. So maybe going with the flow IS a lot harder than I thought. Ouch. This hurts...... OK OK. So... I'm going to go back now where I used to be and hide away." But yet, as wounds healed and lessons were learned, I got back up and tried again.
Ha. Sorry if all my analogies and metaphors seem rather rough. It's the best way I can use to describe them. And if anyone of you know me well and know some of the events I am referring to, you would just nod your head and think, "Yeah... that was pretty brutal." Many of you watched me as I combatted each event.
But anyways, I'm now beginning to see myself like a huge piece of raw material. I feel like a solid piece of rock, and like God has been slowly chiseling away at this solid rock and carving it into something else; something useful; something beautiful; something that can be suited to his purposes. Slowly, as life has changed, I've discovered many things about myself. Many things that weren't there before and many things that have now gone away. God's taken the chisel and at times, been merciless with it as he's carved and formed my substance.
When I took ceramics over the summer, I finally understood the whole analogy of "God is like a potter and we are the clay". When you get a piece of clay, you must smash it and push it and prepare it before you can even put it on the wheel. Then, once you do place it on the wheel, it takes great strength and pressure to form the clay into the way you want it to be. You have to use your fingers to push and pull the clay in the direction you want it to go. And many times, the clay resists and just wants to stay the way it is. But yet, as the potter, you push harder and pull harder, until finally it begins to form into the shape you want. I would watch my teacher in amazement, as he seemed to gracefully take the clay and form it into beautiful pieces of art. He made it look effortless, but at the same time, I secretly knew the strength he had in his hands and all the years of experience he had. As I began to try at the wheel and got frustrated with the clay, I thought, "I wonder if this is how God feels about me at times?" I chuckled at the thought and secretly apologized to God for being such a difficult piece of clay to work with.
Maturing and growing up is hard and can be extremely painful. But I can also see it as a natural transformation. I'm not sure what will happen, but I just have to trust God that he is forming into the woman he wants me to be.
When I took ceramics over the summer, I finally understood the whole analogy of "God is like a potter and we are the clay". When you get a piece of clay, you must smash it and push it and prepare it before you can even put it on the wheel. Then, once you do place it on the wheel, it takes great strength and pressure to form the clay into the way you want it to be. You have to use your fingers to push and pull the clay in the direction you want it to go. And many times, the clay resists and just wants to stay the way it is. But yet, as the potter, you push harder and pull harder, until finally it begins to form into the shape you want. I would watch my teacher in amazement, as he seemed to gracefully take the clay and form it into beautiful pieces of art. He made it look effortless, but at the same time, I secretly knew the strength he had in his hands and all the years of experience he had. As I began to try at the wheel and got frustrated with the clay, I thought, "I wonder if this is how God feels about me at times?" I chuckled at the thought and secretly apologized to God for being such a difficult piece of clay to work with.
Maturing and growing up is hard and can be extremely painful. But I can also see it as a natural transformation. I'm not sure what will happen, but I just have to trust God that he is forming into the woman he wants me to be.
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