Perhaps you are wondering why I bring this subject up? Well, today, while I was out running some errands, I had to sit and wait in a lobby. I turned my attention to the small TV which was showing Oprah. Don't begin to judge me, just yet. I don't watch Oprah on a regular basis. Not like I got anything against the woman, but I just don't watch TV. Anyways, the segment was on some ranch area (I think it was called YK57 or something. Meh..) where a community of people who practice polygamy live together. It first showed one man and this THREE wives and how each wife had about 6 to 8 children. I was surprised. Naturally, Oprah asked the women, "How do you feel about one another?" and each one said, "Well, we love each other. We're like sisters." I sat there wondering what planet they were from and the older black woman in the lobby with me seemed to be thinking the same thing as me. She just shook her head.
I continued to watch the show, very intrigued by such a different lifestyle. I admire how each of the women and kids in the community seemed to work together and pitch in to help. Everything was natural and homegrown, which I thought was really neat. They were a self sustaining community, growing and making everything by themselves. And they were still pretty technological as well, showing them on computers and with cell phones too.
However, they all worn similar clothing and even had similar hairstyles. That was kind of bothersome, since the dress looked pretty uncomfortable. Sorry, but I love my jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers way too much. Oprah got together with the women and asked, "OK. So how do you guys deal with jealousy? I mean, it's bound to happen, especially with all the women around." And this is what struck me the most. One girl answered, "Well, you just pray about it and work with that jealousy until it goes away. Praying about it really helps and you have Christ help you." I blinked for a moment, awe struck by the answer. I had heard the same thing from many good friends of mine.
You see, lately, I've been attending a Christian youth group. I've enjoyed it because many of the people seemed to be relatively smart and caring. I've been observing their lifestyle and how they handle situations and have really admired it. They all seem to be genuinely trying to follow God and work to be the best people they can be. Often, they say to pray about stuff and ask God for help. So when that girl said to "Pray about it and it goes away", I was put in my place. Who was I to judge these people when my own friends were saying the same thing as them?
I know what you're thinking. The situations are completely different, right? These women are talking about sharing a husband and learning to get along with one another while my friends mostly talk about jealously between siblings or friends. But, I just couldn't shake the fact that they try to handle their problems the same way regular people (particular Christians) do. They discussed about having a "Christlike" love for one another. I know many of you are thinking "Blah... BS", but many of my Christian friends are wanting to reach that kind of love for people. A love that accepts them for who they are, no matter what, and continues on loving them, no matter the circumstances. I was beginning to see many similarities between them and my new found friends, and even myself.
Let me set the record straight though: I don't plan on sharing my husband. I honestly don't think I could do it. I do believe in one man and one woman relationships. And if my husband ever came to me and said he wanted a second wife, I'd tell him, "Well, that isn't going to happen. And if it does, you can say goodbye to your first wife: ME." So, it's not like this TV segment changed my opinion on the matter. It didn't change the woman in the lobby's opinion either. She often made, "Mmmmm... hm," sounds indicating her opinion. heh.
But, it did change the way I looked at those people. I thought to myself, "Maybe they aren't so crazy and far off like I thought. In fact, I know some friends that would like to be like them in certain aspects." If they've been able to reach a certain level of restraint of themselves and even a level of spirituality and love that I can only dream about, perhaps they're onto something.
And while I began seeing similarities, they showed a clip where supposedly, the government had taken away many of the women's children a few years ago. My eyes widened at that part. Why would they take their children away? Did they think the children were being harmed or brainwashed? That's when Oprah began asking questions on whether people felt like they were in a cult or if any women were being abused in the community. Supposedly, some girls between the ages of 12 and 15 were being married off and were already mothers. All the women she talked to spoke well of the community and assured Oprah everything was OK. Of course, as the audience, now I began to have my doubts.
So everything wasn't great in paradise. I can't overlook that there are probably some instances where a girl was sexually abused or married off way too early. Then again, it's not the outside world doesn't have that. I also can't ignore the fact the the government took some of their children away. When I become a mother, I'd be so mad and devastated. I wouldn't care why the government was doing it. Those are MY kids.
This is just our imperfect world at work. I can see both sides. Of course, it seems more natural to just think that the polygamist community is just crazy and in the wrong; but I began to see that perhaps they weren't so bad. All the people seemed genuinely happy to be in the community and wouldn't be anywhere else. It's just easier to think they are wrong because they are a living a much different lifestyle than I am. So, because they are so different, they must be wrong. Right?
Nope.
I finally began seeing the people on the screen as regular people. People who were leading different lifestyles, but had similar goals to myself. Just because they are different, does NOT mean they are wrong. It doesn't mean they are right either. It's not about right or wrong. It's just about beginning to see past the differences and looking at those people just as people. Sure, I find them a bit odd, but I realized today, I shouldn't be judging them for their lifestyle and assuming they're wrong. I need to learn what I can from them and then just let them be. It's not about being right or wrong, but seeing past the differences and learning to accept people for who they are.
Boy, this is going to be hard.
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