Today, I went shopping. It wasn't bad. I bought nice clothes and really did enjoy the time I spent at the mall. But at the end of the day, I felt dissatisfied with something. Something didn't feel right. Lately, I've been in that "searching" mode with my soul and never seem to find the right answers.
But today, I realized that I've been getting sucked back into a world that I really don't want to be a part of.
It's not like I hate my family or anything. It's nothing like that. I just realized that when I'm home like this, all I ever do is sit around, shop, and go to movies. This isn't what I want. I don't really care for clothes nor for movies. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do enjoy looking good and a good flick. I was there for Transformers 2 for sure. BUT, that is all I've done lately. I'm begging for something more.
Is it so weird that I just want to pack a bag right now and hit the road? No... I don't know where I would go, but I figure it would be better than living day in and day out just buying stuff and keeping myself preoccupied with mediocre stuff. I watch my sister get dress and look good. I've gotten into that mentality that I should join in and do that too. What else is there to do? I watch movies with my brother and mom. I have this strange urge or want to do this stuff. OK. So it isn't strange, but normally, when I was back on my own, I just didn't care about that stuff. I cared about the people around me or what I was learning in class. I was interested in learning about the outside world and real issues. I want to do something and have my voice be heard. I want to reach out to people and help them, despite my social phobias and such. I just can't sit here anymore!!!
Is this really odd? Does every young adult go through this? I mean, I literally just want to sit on a rock, in a forest, and just watch the lake. I want to get out and explore. See the world and maybe, find some meaning. Get me out!!! I don't want to be sucked in the world where shopping and watching movies is all I ever do. I don't want to work to just make money. I want to work to help somebody else. This may sound stupid and ridiculous, but gosh darnet, I want some meaning and purpose.
God, what do I do? Where do I go?
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