Video Saturday: Blood Brother

Here's a trailer about a guy who moves to India to find some purpose for his life. Seems like he learns a lot about life and love. It looks pretty good.

"Blood Brother is the story of group of children infected with HIV and Rocky Braat, a disenchanted young American drifting through India. He wanted to save them all, but in reality he couldn’t cure even one of them. He had to stay. It’s a hard life. He faces opposition in many forms. He lives in a concrete hut. Sometimes, he is close to despair. But working with the kids gives him a sense of purpose. The truth is, he needs them as much as they need him. They teach him, daily, that love is the only thing that makes life worth living."


Blood Brother Trailer from Blood Brother on Vimeo.

Need a sign?

Enough said. 

This picture came from an article on The Cool Hunter website, one of my favorite websites to visit. Go here to read the article for yourself (It's short, but good). One of my favorite parts if the article is where it says, "If something is important to you, you WILL find a way. If it isn't, you'll find an excuse." I totally resonate with this. So many times, I hear, "Well, I'm just so busy" or "I forgot", or some other excuse. I firmly believe if you want to do something, you'll make the time to do it. You'll find away around all the craziness and make sure it happens. 


So what are you waiting for? Here's your sign. Go do it. 

Brokenness Turned Beautiful

"When I was young, I threw a rock through the window of an old car in my alley. The glass broke easily, and the hole remained for a week or so until it was closed with a black trash bag. The owner confronted me about the window (I was the kid next door and the most likely rock-thrower), but I didn't own up and I wasn't able to fix the damage. A few months later I escaped the knowing eyes of our neighbor. My family moved across town, and my last memory of my childhood home was driving away and looking at the Buick with the missing window.


Recently, a photographer friend of mind did an art show featuring some broken items transformed. The first picture was of a bus with a shattered windshield, and the picture brought me back to that alley and my neighbor's Buick. Looking at the picture, feelings of guilt from my past flared up for me, and then the slide changed. The new photograph was not of a bus with a brand new windshield like I expected. Instead, the shot was of all the broken glass carefully collected, dyed and reassembled in an elaborate mosaic. The piece was beautiful, far more impressive than a replaced windshiled. Someone had removed all those shards of glass in turn and envisioned a future for them all." 

-Jeff Cook, Relevant Magazine, pg. 43

To find the article I took this from, go here. It's a pretty cool Christian, design magazine a friend showed me.

This was the intro to the article, which is essentially about heaven. But these two paragraphs reminded me of the image I had received in my mind about a week ago and wrote about in my post called "Broken Pieces". It took the vision of broken pieces and took it a step farther. Jesus had collected the pieces, and then saw a vision for each broken part; he saw a vision and a beautiful future that each shattered piece, that was full of pain and suffering, could partake in and was essential for the whole piece. He takes our broken parts, and uses them, and transforms them into a breath-taking work of art.

I see this to be true as I read through Genesis and learn about Jacob's story and how messed up he was. We praise Jacob, but he also stole from his own brother, and tricked his father, and did all sorts of things. His family was broken, where he was forced to take two wives, and then two more, and showed favoritism to certain kids, leaving the others to feel neglected and unloved. His sons plunder a city, and then turn against each other and even sell one of their own off for slavery, and then lie about it to Jacob. There's no way around it: this is a messed up family.

However, God takes this broken family, full of each individual's faults and crimes, and somehow, was able to create the 12 tribes of Israel from this very family, fulfilling his promises to Abraham. God states that this very nation will bless the earth. As the story goes on, it is through these people drawing closer to God that they are able to reconcile with one another and receive blessings from God. They help others prosper and grow. And it is from this lineage that Jesus is born, the very man that saves humanity. God took their shattered relationships, broken hearts and souls, their horrible sins and mistakes, and creates a beautiful piece of reconciliation, second chances, renewal, and hope.

I'm a perfectionist and don't like to make mistakes. I sometimes dread how much I will mess up and how irrevocable the mess I create will be. When you're standing in the middle of chaos, and just feel like there's no way anything can be fixed, it feels overwhelming and hopeless. But that's not true with God. He is so much bigger than ourselves and all of our mistakes combined. Christians like to use the word "redemption" or say "We are redeemed". I never fully understood what that meant, but now I see that it means that God frees us from blame and takes our faults and uses them for His good. He says "OK. So you messed up. No worries. I'll make it work."

All of this reminds me of something C.S. Lewis writes in "The Great Divorce" on p. 69:

"This is what mortals misundersatnd. They say of some temporal suffering,"No future bliss can make up for it," not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory."

God takes every fault or mistake we ever make and somehow turns it into a beautiful piece of the puzzle that is ourselves. As we draw closer to Him, we then see that our mistakes were only stepping stones in becoming a masterpiece and drawing closer to Him.

It's OK to make mistakes. You're human and you will do that. Don't live in fear of those mistakes, but live fearlessly, knowing that God is much bigger than you. Turn to Him, and let him take the broken piece of glass, transform it, and place it in along with the rest of the artwork.

Video Saturday: Oh, the Places You'll Go

So I have decided Saturday's will be dedicated to videos. Just so you know. :) Let's begin with this:

I received the book "Oh, The Place You'll Go" by Dr. Suess when I graduated high school. I still have the book and enjoy it greatly. I think the Suess man is pretty accurate in his description about growing up. So here's a video, that I hope you enjoy. :)

"Brother" by Matt Corby

Here's a live acoustic performance done by Matt Corby. I don't usually like live performances because they often sound like crap and the acoustic version of songs can be done poorly. But in this video, the guy sounds awesome and I love the rawness of it all. He gives the song a punch, full of passion and power. The little howling parts at the beginning are a bit weird, I'll admit, but I still love the song. Give a listen:

My Cowardliness and the Power of Vulnerability

I really am a coward, in many aspects.

I used to think I was a fairly open person. Just ask me a question, and I'll just give you the straight honest answer. You ask me something that's deep and personal, and I'll tell you something deep and personal. No reason to hide anything. It's just me, right?

But I've begun to realize I'm not that open of a person. I don't let people see what's going on inside of me. The things that I thought were so deep and personal, actually weren't that deep.... or personal. Someone said to me over the summer, "You're very good at hiding Hannah. We've known each other for a year, but I think this is the first time you've actually opened up to me." Her comment surprised me: here I was, thinking I was just an open book. And yet, she said that I didn't actually let people in. I didn't let people really get to know me.

Months have flown by since then, but even then, I remember the comment sticking with me. And now, it comes back, fitting in with my thoughts.

You see, perhaps what I thought was "deep and personal", wasn't actually that deep or that personal. Where I thought I was sharing my heart, I wasn't actually sharing it at all. Not the darkest and deepest corners anyways. The corners that hold my tears and anger, my deep wounds, my scariest doubts and fears.

And the thing is, I feel like I have shared some of these things, but not in the brutally, honest way. I will present these deep things as "I have control over myself"or "I am well aware of what this implies", seeming to have control and peace over the issue. I want to give off that air, "Oh yes, look at what I have dealt with, but have overcome." And then at the end, I will smile and say, "Life goes on. Everything is OK now though."

But that's not being open at all. In fact, that's just outright lying.

To be open with someone is allowing them to see my tears in the moment, my honest doubts and fears, and hearing my voice quieten and shake as I talk about personal issues. And not just any issues; but the issues that will make people uncomfortable; issues that will make me look poor; and just the honest truth of what I really think and feel, without the fake smile or joke at the end.

You see, for me, I come across as a "happy, go-lucky" person. I can be very good at acting like everything is OK. I joke around a lot and am sarcastic. Initially, when people try and get to know me, I keep them at an arm's distance, joking around and having a good time. I've seen this more and more recently in my behavior, and how good I am at diverting the attention from my issues and just even myself.

I once overheard a conversation between some friends, where someone said,"I believe sarcasm is just a way to hide what people are truly feeling." When I heard this, I turned quickly with a smile and said, "Oh... that's not true." The person turned to me (who was also a good friend) and gave me a knowing look, "Oh please Hannah! You of ALL PEOPLE should know this." I grinned widely and said, "I don't know what you're talking about." The person just smiled and rolled their eyes, "Right... I'm sure you don't."

Yet now, more than ever, I see how I do use these techniques to keep people at a distance.

And some of you are probably asking: well, what are you afraid of?

You see, I am afraid of many things:

-I am afraid of being rejected and disconnected. Being sent away because my mistakes faults are just too horrible.
-I am afraid of people leaving, whether it's by choice or not. Once you let someone get close, you begin to care about them and depend on them. So when they leave, it hurts like crazy.
-I am afraid of failure. I am afraid that all my failures will really prove that I am worthless.
-I am afraid of speaking up first and letting someone know how much I care about them because I don't know what their response may be. To say "I love you" first, and then hear no response.

The list above is a personal, but not so personal list. I believe everyone feels these, at least some point in our lives. We each probably have real life experiences where we actually experience these fears: rejection, abandonment, failure, etc. So we're afraid to relive them again.

I'm not saying that we should go out and tell everyone everything about ourselves. I am here to challenge you (and myself) and to ask yourself, "Am I really being honest in my friendships? In my relationships? With my family?" And if not, ask yourself why. With some people, you probably shouldn't be honest like that. But with certain family members, with close friends, with boyfriends and girlfriends, ask yourself if you've really shared about your struggles and feelings, whether they're good or bad.

If this doesn't challenge you, here's an AWESOME TED talk about vulnerability:

Here's a quote from it: "These folks had the courage to be imperfect. The compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others. And then last, they had connection as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were."

And I know this post is long enough. It's a collection of a few days worth of thoughts and processing. But here's one more story. It's hopeful.

I watched the TED talk video one morning and was challenged by it and it really hit home for me in a lot of areas. Later that evening, I had dinner with a few friends that I have known for a while. As the conversation went on, I began to confess how I had a hard time being vulnerable. I didn't really go into a lot of detail, but just expressed that I was bad at being vulnerable with people and like to hide what is really going on. They both nodded and one said, "I do the exact same thing." We went back and forth on how we like to hide our  true emotions and act like everything is OK.

As the conversation went on, this same person began sharing things with me I had never heard them say before. Struggles that this person had been through and that was affecting them now. I had known this person for years, but this was the first time that they had actually shared these personal and big stories. Stories that were greatly affecting them now. The person confessed that they had been really bad lately at being vulnerable and realized how much it was hurting them. They had been keeping their distance from people and yet, they craved closeness.

It was pretty incredible. After that night, I felt so much closer to the person and like I began to really understand them. I realized, that this dear friend and I were a lot more alike than I had ever realized. I have gone through my fair share of battles and pain, but never talked about them, for fear that it would seem like I was making a bigger deal out of the issues or people would be surprised I was still talking about them. However, here was another person, who had also gone through similar pain and struggles, and who was also still dealing with them and how it had shaped them into who they are today.

Suddenly, I wasn't alone. Suddenly, that arm's distance was getting shorter. I realized that maybe the people around me could actually accept who I really was, the good, the bad, and all.

I still need to keep going. There are a lot of areas where I need to grow. I'm scared and excited, but mostly scared. I'm taking small steps. So please, take these steps with me.

Encouraging Words for Artists

As an artist, I struggle daily, almost hourly, with creating work that never meets my expectations. I would create something, and then sigh because I could see all the flaws, or it lacks that specific "punch" I was hoping for. And there are times, when you'll work and work on something and it just never evolves into what you dreamt it could be.

This then leaves artists frustrated. You think, "Am I just not good enough? I must not be meant to do this since I am not good at all." You, yourself, are frustrated with your own work. People can tell you over and over again that it looks great. But every time you look at it, you just see everything that it lacks and everything that you wished it could be.

Here's some encouraging words to my fellow artists, musicians, poets, painters, the like:


Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.