Thursday, January 2, 2014

Why I Write

It's been an interesting adventure since I started this blog. At first, I started it because years ago, I was sitting at home, bored out of my mind, but wanting to get my voice out to the world and make some kind of impact. I then used it when I visited inner-city Chicago to describe my journey, thoughts, and reflections as I lived and worked in the rougher parts of America. Then, the blog sat there, unattended to, but still a place for me to come back and revisit some memories and thoughts. However, I rarely used it.

And it wasn't until I realized I needed a writing outlet a few years ago, that I began to take it a bit more seriously. Why not just journal? Well, I do that too at times, but it's different. When I blog, it forces me to come to a resolution, some kind of conclusion to present. I also leave out a great amount of details and just present with you the emotion. I'm sorry to say, but I don't like sharing the details, for other's privacy sake and my own. Journaling is only from my perspective and my raw thoughts, good and bad; my own form of reality that leaves out many facts and truths.

But what I can do is describe my feelings. That isn't so hard for me as I'm a huge feeler. Talking about my feelings is what I do to stay sane. And as I talk about them and write them to the internet world, I see that the main reason why I sit there and write is to let anyone who stumbles across this space know that they aren't alone.

There are so many times in our lives when our emotions overwhelm us and we succumb to the raging storm that comes from within. We look at each other, with our distorted realities, and think "That person must have it together. Surely, they wouldn't understand what I go through." Yet, more often than not, when you really look into that person, you see that they aren't that different from you. We all struggle with insecurities, fears, doubts, passions, joy, beliefs, and so much. We just have to stop looking at the surface, and be willing to face reality: that things won't ever be perfect or easy and that's OK.

I was reminded of this fact as I sat in the car with a friend (where all my best conversations happen), and she blurted out, "Hannah! You're just so cool and you know how to be friends with almost anyone. People like you automatically and you just always have something funny to say." A smile spread across my face and a laugh escaped me. I replied, "Well thank you, but the entire time, I was thinking that YOU were doing so well with talking with people and everyone seems to adore you. As for myself, I thought I was being a fool and just so awkward." We then sat there, smiling and laughing, at our foolish selves, but feeling that much better about ourselves.

So thank you to all of those you stop by this place and take in my words. I will caution you that my words don't reveal the whole story and even my lengthy novels can be misconstrued. You may not understand my intentions, but I at least hope, they can start a conversation. One that penetrates the surface of ourselves and digs deeper into our hearts. And then I hope, we can be friends.

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