I think the biggest thing I have learned about myself is how strongly I am effected by my emotions. At first, it was a welcomed change because for the past two years, my emotions were limited and cut off due to the high anxiety I was feeling from overwhelming events. Slowly, but surely, the cracks of the wall have broken and my emotions have broken forth once again.
Now, being an emotional person, I tend to like this aspect of myself. When my emotions are rising and tumbling over, I can create some of the most beautiful and wondrous pieces of art. Words and images come much easier to me when fueled by feelings of love, anger and sorrow. When it comes to my friendships, I can be a very empathetic person, meeting almost any person where they are at on an emotional level and connect with them. I know how to tap into my own emotions and speak to people genuinely and from the heart.
So all in all, I have tended to enjoy this aspect about myself. However, I have come into a time of my life of growth and healing, and the roller coaster of my emotions seem to sometimes hinder me. My emotions swing back and forth easily; a pendulum of feelings that despite my best efforts, continues on without ceasing. In all honesty, I have felt like an emotional mess. Like some kind of crazy person that just can't make up her mind and is spinning around and around until she falls over, in a fit of her own tears and hysterical laughter. Understanding seems to always escape me as the emotions are strong and I'm not sure what to quite do with them. I often feel like I just don't understand myself.
But... there is hope.
In the midst of all of this, I have some beautiful and wonderful friends that have blessed me. At the peaks of some of these emotional struggles, a friend has come along and talked with me, soothing my raging inner turmoil and all the while, voicing their own love for me. And then, some very key words are spoken that seem to ease the emotional turbulence entirely, and I'm at peace once again:
"You know, I have gone through that too."
And suddenly, the walls of shame and isolation are broken and I'm left with a sense of sanity and belonging. My heart opens up and I'm ready to hear advise and counseling on how to move forward from whatever it is that is plaguing me. I'm not alone anymore. I'm not crazy. I'm just human.
So while I'm a mess, with emotions that seem to swing back and forth, I've been very blessed with many friends who can relate to me and have talked to me through my struggles. People who have nodded and listened, and connected to me where I'm at and struggling. They have stepped off the pedestal that I have placed them in, knelt down next to me and said, "Oh, I've been there. I am no better than you. I know it's hard where you're at. You're doing what you can. How can I help you?" It's been a blessed gift, really. I remember my friend Kara and I often call each other, "sanity buddies". The people you go to when you think you're going crazy, but talk to them, and suddenly you realize, "Oh hey, this is normal. I'm not alone. Ok. Cool."
So thank you to all my friends who have sat with me and listened to me in the past few months as I've struggled and worked through many things. Thank you for meeting me where I'm at and relating to me. Seriously, it's one of the best gifts you could have given to me. :)
The two most powerful words when we struggle: "Me too".
- Brene Brown
Need any cool books to read? Check out "Daring Greatly" and/or "I Thought It Was Just Me"by Brene Brown. I've enjoyed them.
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