Love in All Relationships Pt. 2

OK. So now to talk about most people's favorite subject: love in dating relationships. It's only natural for me to think about as I have been looking at what it looks like to love other people. And for those of you who know me and what's been happening in my life the past few months, you understand why I've been thinking about romantic relationships and marriage so much. And not in the "Oh boy, I want one so badly!" I mean... I do want one, but it's been more so in the sense of "Oh crap. This is some serious, hard stuff. What exactly is this all about?"

So what exactly is this stuff all about?

Dating relationships and marriage are often viewed differently than friendships. I mean, everyone says that the best relationships are based on friendship, but yet, there still seems like a difference. Call it "falling in love" or "destiny" or "just lucky" or whatever, but there are just a ton of stories of finding that ONE person and being with them forever. Yet, how do you even find that one person? Is there a one person? Oh my, oh my.

I know for me, personally, it feels like there is "one person" out there. I haven't dated a lot, but I've dated enough to know that dating someone who is "good" just doesn't cut it. The relationship can be good, the person can be good, but many times, I was left feeling unsatisfied. Someone told me that one of the hardest things was having a good boyfriend. I looked at her funny and she said, "He's good, but he's not great. You want a great boyfriend. Don't settle." And this doesn't necessarily mean his resume looks great. It means that I feel great about him. It means I think the sun shines out of his butt and he's pooping out rainbows and butterflies.

I mean, I know a lot of great guys. But I don't feel great about them. Many of the guys I know are close friends with me and are near and dear to my heart. I can honestly look at most of them and say "Your wife will be lucky to get you. So lucky." Heck, there's even some of my guy friends who I look at and say, "Why can't I be in love with you?" But I'm just not. In fact, I can't think of a single guy I've looked and said, "I'm crazy about you and just think you're awesome." There are many guys I have liked, and some I have liked a whole lot, but none that I was just enthralled with and really excited about. There just seems to lack a feeling or connection.

Part of the that "connection" could be the "falling in love" aspect. It could be the admiration aspect. But I think another part is feeling understood by the person. Being able to look at a man and say, "Oh... you understand me." or "You really care enough to try and understand me. You're searching within me and seeing what it is I'm really saying."

This helped me to realize that the one thing I want out of a romantic relationship is just a deep, connection where the person feels like your best friend. When something big happens, out of anyone you'd call, it'd be them. Or even if something small and silly happens, you'd still call them. They're the person you want to talk to everyday. And they're the person that you can look across the room from and have a whole conversation with just your eyes alone and not even speak a word. They understand you for who you are, your faults and all and they still want to be with you.

And here's a selfish desire I've also realized in myself. I want to be someone's number one. What I mean by that is, I want to be the most important person to somebody. Yes, God should come before me, but out of all the humans, I want to be that person's favorite person/most loved person. I want to be the person that they call up or can't wait to see. Out of anyone to hang out with, they would choose me first. If I walked into a room full of people, they would walk up to me first and talk to me and connect with me first.

I know I'm not the only one thinking about love and relationships, especially at my age where we're all beginning to really search. I had an interesting conversation with some other good pals the other night. We began talking about how love is a choice. It is not easy to continuously love someone. Yet, at the same time, we cannot settle. Initially, it shouldn't feel like you have to work at loving the person. Most of us agreed on that. Then someone brought up an interesting thought on intimacy. Here's how it went:

When people talk about love, it is often conditional. They say they like this about them or love that. His example was, "I can say I love my wife because she's beautiful, strong, and wise." BUT, he then pointed out that if his wife got in an accident and became a paraplegic, she wouldn't be any of those. Therefore, if his love was conditional, he wouldn't love his wife anymore. But we all agreed that's not right. So he went on to say that real love comes from intimacy. Spending time together and fully understanding each other and seeing them the way God sees them, with their faults and all, and still loving them. Being able to have those conversations with little words and understanding comes across easily, and yet, you can have those deep and meaningful conversations too.

I liked what he had to say, and it just confirmed what I had been thinking as well.

I think before, I often used to beat myself up about dating and relationships. I used to do SO OFTEN when I was in the relationship, thinking I was expecting too much. I didn't understand why I couldn't love my boyfriend better or why I was always feeling disappointed or unsatisfied. "He's a good guy", I would think. "And he cares. So what's the issue?" I'd then reply, "Surely. It must be me. Surely I'm expecting too much. Surely I'm just too dependent." But really, I function normally and happily without a boyfriend. None of my friends ever say I expect much of them or depend on them too much. There were also times when I would make excuses for the guy, "Oh well.... he's just busy. Or... he just doesn't understand. He's a guy." That doesn't matter either. He should be my best friend and he should understand me better than anyone else. And I should also have my expectations met. Really, they aren't that high. Just ultimately, I should think the guy is just great and respect and admire him for the man he is. Not the man I can make him to be. Not the man who I THINK he is. But for the man he really is and how he is striving to do his best in everything.

And while I've written many paragraphs about this all, I also know that it will come down to my heart and how I can't fully control who I fall for. I've even tried making myself like someone, but it just turns out much worse, for you and for the other person. We can't always control our hearts and how we feel. I think every man deserves to have a woman respect and admire him. So, I won't settle for myself, but also for the males around me. You all deserve a woman who respects and admires you and who will support you and challenge you. And women, don't settle either. Make sure the man treats you like a treasure and also respects and truly loves you. :)

So for this relationship stuff, one shouldn't have to try and like someone. It should just sorta happen and grow as you get to know each other better. Then, there's the possibility of a beautiful love and intimacy to develop between two people and create a wonderful strong bond that connects them.

It won't always be easy and that wonderful feeling may not always be there, but continue to work at it. Stay intimate with one another and spend time together and talk.