Even in Chicago, Arizona's problems follow me

So Arizona had that whole illegal immigration law thing pass (It's been a while, so I forget the name). I remember the huge uproar it sparked and the conversations that it brought up. People said it was allowing racial profiling. Others found it was just another way for the government to uphold the law. Where was I in the mist of all this controversy? Smack dab in the middle.

I remember when I first heard about the whole thing, I sided with the Hispanics. I was like, "It's not right for the government to tear families apart!" and just thought "that was that". Then one of my close friends was reading about it and said, "You know, I don't see what the big deal is about the whole law thing. I mean, it doesn't sound bad to me. If they're illegal, they're illegal." I tried to calmly explain my view on the whole thing and she replied back and we went back and forth calmly a little bit. But I remember one point at snapping at her as it seemed she just wasn't going to see my side. We then finally just agreed to disagree and left it at that.

But I remember thinking, "You know, maybe it's time I start doing research on this thing myself. I want to see what this law is really about." I didn't want to be ignorant about the issue.

I didn't really know where to begin, so I began asking A LOT of my friends. The problem was, I was on a college campus with mostly upper middle class white Americans. A lot of them did say, "Well racial profiling is wrong and I don't like that they break apart families, but well... it's illegal." And I had many friends who went to explain in great detail why illegal immigration is bad. But the thing is, none of them knew about the issue personally. None of them (and I must include myself) have ever been racially profiled against or even had to worry about a family member being deported.

But, I was hearing mainly one side. I didn't realize it, but it wasn't until I met someone who had and is STILL dealing with it personally that I realized there was a whole other side to the story I hadn't heard about.

To keep it short, I got into an argument with a close Hispanic friend of mine. It wasn't something where I was like, "Yeah! We should deport all illegals." I just brought up the issue and stated that I was trying to look at it from both sides. Well.... he got really angry and I was shocked by his responses. I had not met anyone who felt so strongly about the issue.

I felt hurt after it. I remember walking away, crying, thinking that I would never read or bring up politics again if it cost me my friends, especially close and important ones.

While this argument happened about over a month ago, I still think about our argument a lot... well, I can't even call it an argument. We'll say "encounter". It's because here, I'm learning about racial profiling and segregation. Not only that it still exists, but the hurt that goes along with it. I began hearing stories from people who were African American, Asian American, and Latin American. They expressed their feelings and some very painful memories. I was shocked and walked away saddened. Not just saddened, but also convicted and heart broken. I kept asking myself, "How could I have turned such a blind eye? How could I have been so ignorant?"

I realized that there's still a lot I don't understand. I was talking with my director who is Latino (techincally Columbian and Argentine). I remember her saying, "There's some stories that I only tell because I feel God telling me to share my story. I know I'm called to share them, but afterwards, I always feel so broken and exhausted. And it's because I had to reach so far down in myself to a place that is so full of pain and brokenness, that it just emotionally drains me. And a lot of people, don't want to revisit that pain, or don't want to be so emotionally evoked like that."

We talked about it some more and she gave me some things I could read. She said, "You will never understand what the pain is fully like. But at least, you can meet someone half way and catch a glimpse. You won't be asking them to emotionally reveal themselves to the point where they are naked." So, I think I will do that.

Luckily for me, many of my friends understood that I was ignorant and tried not to get mad at me. As for that Hispanic friend and I, we're still close thankfully. We talked it out a bit and reached an understanding. But I sit here now, thinking not only of him, but of all my other Hispanic friends and even, friends of other cultures, minorities, and races. How much hurt have they gone through that I'm totally unaware about? How ignorant have I been? And how many times have they silently forgiven me for my blindness and ignorance and thought, "Hannah has no idea, and never will."

And I guess, I just want to say, "I'm sorry" to all my friends, especially the ones who are a completely different culture and race. I'm sorry for my ignorance. But, I also want to let you know that I respect you. I really do. To go on the way you have, and to smile at me and even befriend me, you all are truly great people.

I know there's a lot I don't understand, but I ask people to please be patient with me. There's a lot I will never understand, but I'll do my best to try. With all my actions and all the laws that get passed, I'm beginning to understand that it effects someone somewhere out there on a very deep and life changing level. And it's time, I start thinking about them and not turning a blind eye to stay in my comfort zone.

Sorry if this blog offended you or you think I'm over exaggerating. It's my feelings.

So, even in Chicago, Arizona's problems follow me. I thought that I'd get away from all this racial profling and immigration talk. Ha. It's one of our main focuses. But now, I've also learned that it's not just an Arizona problem. It's everyone's problem.